Tales of the Abyss Parody
by The Unchained Melody
Summary: Luke and his friends are wandering through a scorching desert. Tensions rise, friends will turn on each other, and someone will die- just kidding. This is just a parody featuring the Tales of the Abyss cast acting silly. Some NataliaxGuy & LukexTear.


**Author's Note: Whenever the author (meaning me) is talking to the characters, it is represented by caps lock without quotation marks.**

**Story starto!**

Luke, Tear, Jade, Guy, Natalia, Anise, and Ion are all walking through a desert in order to reach the next city. As expected, they don't have so much as a change of clothes or a simple bottle of water.

"Um…" said Luke wearily, "Shouldn't we have packed some supplies? Heck, a change of clothes or a bottle of water would be nice right about now."

Jade wasn't in the mood to wittily retort back to the redheaded leader of the party.

He said, "Of course it only occurs to you nine hours into the journey to worry about such things."

Luke shrugged him off and said, "Say, do you think if we wandered in our present condition for another three days we might actually die?"

Jade pushed up his glasses and said, "Long questions don't suit you so please refrain from asking them."

Luke began to steam in the metaphorical sense. Physically this would be impossible in the given situation. Then again this is based on an anime and jrpg.

He shouted, "Now I remember why we skipped this episode!"

"Luke. Don't break the fourth wall, it is the very thing that holds our planet together." said Fon Master Ion.

"I thought the Sephiroth do that?" asked Anise.

"I thought your mom did." he retorted.

Natalia had been unusually silent. Guy finally walked up right next to her and asked what was on her mind.

"I thought you had Gynophobia?" she asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

"What a convenient disease."

"You could be more sympathetic."

"Yes, I could."

"So…what's bothering you?" he asked.

She hesitated to answer.

He asked sharply, "It's Asch isn't it?"

"When isn't it?" she replied.

"Good point."

Natalia continued, "I was just wondering if we might run into him again."

"..."

"Are you okay Guy?" she asked.

"Oh sorry, I was wondering if you knew about Asch's identity by this time in the story. It's too bad the author of this damn parody has the memory of a housefly."

OH NO YOU DIDN'T! JUST FOR THAT I'M GIVING YOUR SCREENTIME TO TEAR.

"Bastard." said Guy.

Anise walked by Jade and attempted to hold his hand. Jade pulled away.

"Jeez Commander! You sure are being unfriendly today."

"Sorry but I'd prefer not spending the rest of my life behind bars."

"You know I'm thirteen right?" she asked.

"Your point?"

She bit her lip in defeat.

She then turned to Master Luke. Wait, did I just call him Master Luke? Never mind...

"Master Luke" she said while latching on to his arm.

"What is it Anise?" he asked sourly.

"I've been thinking. After all this is over, when will we be wed?"

"I'm not following."

"Our wedding date. When will it be?"

"I don't recall agreeing to anything!"

"How could you," Anise began, "lie to me like this?"

Tear who had been quietly listening to the idiotic banter finally spoke up.

She said, "You two need to quiet down. We don't want to attract the attention of any god generals."

"Keep out of this." said Anise, "You just want Master Luke all to yourself."

"I didn't say anything of the sort." Tear said closing her eyes. She turned to her friends and said kindly, "Anise, you need to let go of him. You're hurting Master Luke."

Anise pointed smugly at Tear and said, "You just said 'Master Luke'"

Tear turned red and said, "No! No I didn't!"

"Ah ha!" said Anise, "I hit a nerve didn't I? Now for the finishing move!"

Anise continued, "Luke needs someone younger for him. Not some overbearing mother figure!"

"What Luke wants is his own business." said Tear.

She added, "And don't you think I'm too young to be considered his mother?"

"True. But I do look up to you." he said.

"So you see me as a mother rather than a friend?" she asked somewhat hurt.

"Yes. You're like a mother to me. An extremely hot younger mother."

"Oh Luke, you naughty boy you." she said seductively.

I DON'T REMEMBER THIS IN THE SCRIPT. BUT I LIKE IT.

**The End**

Wait, I forgot to include Mieu…


End file.
